I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
