I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
