Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
