Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
