My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
