Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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