What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
