I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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