Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We're facebook friends in real life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
