She's JV to your varsity
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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