you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
