3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
