we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
