Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize