Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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