i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
