can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
