There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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