What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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