you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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