if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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