Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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