I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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