is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
