fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
