90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
