I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
