it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
