had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
