bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
