I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
