Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is the high leading the old right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
