How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
