no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What a dumb baby whore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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