Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
