The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
