he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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