I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
