12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
