shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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