got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
