I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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