it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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