no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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