i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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