Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
