I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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