I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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