Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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