do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
