so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
