Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
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You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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