Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want a musical about memes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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