Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
