Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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