I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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