Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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