i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
