she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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