if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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