Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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