Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
