Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My cat gives me a boner
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
