ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
