Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
