I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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