Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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