I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
