I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize