Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
