I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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