it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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