i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize