i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You made out with two different species that night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
