I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
