You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
