The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
